Fall is here.

There's a chill in the air. The trees are just starting to turn - some of the little maple trees are turning bright red already. I think that this weekend we will try to have a fire outside, and make smores. It will be a good way to get rid of some of the wood from the apple tree that we had to cut down. Richard and our neighbors Dan and Jake sure had a good time out back with the chainsaws! Last weekend we went to the zoo, and the apple orchard. The orchard was packed! I managed to get the last bag of my favorite apples, the honeycrisp. We have zoo pictures on our online photo album. www.theharlanfamily.org/photoalbum

I made a big pot of ham and beans for supper last night - they were so good. Mom and Dad, you should have been here for supper! Richard and the girls don't like ham and beans, oh where did I go wrong? I guess I will freeze some and have the rest for lunches this week. Ralphie sure liked the ham bone, though.

Fall always puts me in a baking mood. Yesterday I made pumpkin muffins and zucchini bread. They are both yummy! Today I made zucchini spice cookies, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and gingersnaps. It smells good in here! I am freezing most of each batch of cookies and half of the muffins and bread so we will have treats later on when we want them.

Evie's favorite cookie is the zucchini spice. I'm sure that Richard and Emily will say that's because she doesn't know any better! They both like the chocolate chip peanut butter cookies. My favorite is the gingersnap!

Here's an easy recipe for the chocolate chip peanut butter cookies I made today!

3-ingredient cookies
1 egg
1 cup peanut butter (we like chunky the best)
1 cup sugar (brown or white both work)

Mix together. Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheets, about 2 inches apart. Bake at 350 degrees F for 10-12 minutes. Let cool on cookie sheet.

easy variation: 4-ingredient cookies. Just add 1 cup chocolate chips!

I often double the recipe - and use the smallest sized jar of peanut butter (18 oz.?) and a whole bag of chocolate chips. They freeze well, if they last that long! You can also roll the dough into balls and freeze on cookie sheets, then bag them after they're frozen. When you want to bake them later, just pop them on a cookie sheet and add a minute to your cooking time.

Update on the habanero peach preserves

Well, Richard had some on his toast this morning, and he's still alive! It's been 12 hours and counting... How long does botulism take to do you in, anyway? (just kidding) I had a bite, too. My sense of taste and smell is still kind of messed up from all the colds and sinus problems lately, but I could taste the sweetness, and a little kick at the end. It was good! Richard liked it, too.

I'm pretty sure I followed all the safety procedures ~ I even obsessively checked and double checked each step. I'm just worried that I did something wrong and someone will get sick. Richard agreed to be my test subject! What a sweetie.

One bad apple...

Sorry guys, I have had to turn moderation on for the comments section. Someone came through and spammed a bunch of posts. I went through and deleted all of her comments.

So, you can still leave comments, they just have to be approved by me first before they will show up. Don't worry, I will approve everything but spam.

Sorry I had to do this.

habanero peach preserves

I just finished making a batch. They're my very first canning experience ever (well, since I was little and would watch Grandma H. make jelly)!

We bought fresh peaches at the farmer's market this morning, and I used two of the habanero peppers that Richard grew in our garden. It tastes yummy, just like peach preserves, with an extra tingly kick. The recipe promised that it would warm up your cold winter mornings, and I think it will do exactly that!

The recipe filled up 6 of those little fancy jelly jars exactly. After processing them in the water bath, I set the jars out on the counter to cool. It was so neat to hear the lids popping as they cooled!

I really liked canning. I think it could be addictive! I already have plans for plain peach preserves (bought way too many peaches at the market!), and maybe apple jelly. I want to try to pickle some of Richard's jalapeno peppers from the garden.

Wow. I really am the freak of the neighborhood.

I guess it's a good thing that I'm okay with it, huh?

1. I own a clothesline.
2. I use it (not as often as I should, though).
3. I use it to dry my baby's cloth diapers!
4. I actually use cloth diapers!!!
5. While hanging said diapers out to dry, I wore my baby in a back wrap cross carry (that's bwcc!) in a simple piece of cloth wrap. (that's spoc!) (I'm learning all the babywearing lingo.)

evidence:






That's Evie riding on my back. The wrap is just a 5 yard piece of cloth off of wal-mart's dollar table. I will eventually cut the width down a little and hem it, but it works pretty well right now. Of course, it's a fairly poor wrapping job, and Evie can wiggle out of it fairly fast. I need to practice more!

In the picture, we're harvesting tomatoes out of our (gasp!) pesticide-free garden!

Many of the neighbors were already wondering about my sanity when I wouldn't let the kids play with toy guns in my yard. I would also not let them try to poke each other's eyes out with sticks. What kind of mom am I? The freaky, crazy kind, I guess! (ha!)

Rocking Chairs

I know I write a lot about rocking Evie to sleep at night. It is one of my favorite times of the day, and I've been thinking about why that is. I also rocked Emily to sleep at night, but I think that maybe I was to young to really appreciate it then.

First, rocking Evie to sleep connects me to the many generations of moms before me. I can sit in my rocker, holding my baby, and know that my mother rocked me to sleep, and think about the mothers before her rocking their babies to sleep. Even though my rocker is a metal and microfiber glider, it gets the job done as well as the wooden rocker my mom used.

It is special Mama and Evie time. I wrap her up in her blankie, and grab pink bunny, and we snuggle in the rocker. We talk about Daddy and Sister, and our pets. Evie likes to pet my hair, and rub it on her face. (it would be easier if I had longer hair!) We give lots of kisses and smoochies ~ Evie says "mmmmmm-Ah!" and sticks her lower lip out when she wants kisses. Most of the time this is a cue to kiss her on the forehead or cheek, but sometimes she will sneak one in on the lips, especially when she knows that she's being a stinker! We talk about how nice her pink bunny is, and how soft she is.

It is magic to rock a baby to sleep, even an older baby like Evie. She starts out awake and alert, and slowly falls asleep. I love listening to the sounds she makes when she sucks her thumb, the way she slowly stops rubbing pink bunny, the way her breathing evens out and she relaxes. I love all the little twitches she makes, the way her head gets sweaty against my arm, the way she will peek one eye open to see if I'm still there.

I know that when I'm rocking Evie, the rest of the world has to wait. I know that I still have to pack lunches for tomorrow, and I know that the dishes and laundry are waiting. But, now I have time to sit and relax and snuggle, and not have to clean or chase a wild toddler. Rocking a baby is magic, I tell you!

More Evie pics, with a super-special side of Emily!

Some recent pictures!

Evie cuteness









Evie and the dreaded footie jammies!



Emily decided that she was too big for her toybox, so she cleaned it out and donated it to Evie! Evie loves it. What a great big sis!




Evie decided that this trashcan made the perfect hat to go with the dress from Nana and Papa!



Richard just had to snap some photos of her doing this!




These are pictures from the Milan Labor Day parade.










Em is gorgeous, as usual! We had Evie wearing the hat so her little bald head didn't get sunburned. It didn't stay on very long! (don't worry, no sunburn!)

A tale of two bears

Evie has a much-loved bear that we call jingle beary. It is a satiny blanket on one side, and a soft fuzzy bear on the other. Since she is a "petter" and she likes to have soft things to rub while she falls asleep, jingle beary and her new bunny that Emily gave her are just perfect.

We were planning on sending a care package to Evie in China after we got our travel approval. We figured that it would get there a couple weeks before us, and she would remember us a little better that way. (if that makes sense) Well, since we had to leave so fast, no care package was sent. We had gotten two of these bears, one to send in the package, and one to take with us, so maybe she would recognize it.

We took one bear with us, and she loved it immediately. We took it everywhere with us. It is well-loved. I found the other, unused bear the other day. Just look at the difference between the two!










If you couldn't tell, the bear on the left is the one Evie has been loving for a month and two days!

fall

It is feeling like fall here. It is cooler and rainy. I made green bean soup yesterday, and feel like baking. Last night we had the windows open and listened to the rain as we fell asleep. Time to break out the heavy pj's and put another quilt on the bed. I was actually a horrible mom and got footie pajamas for Evie. I remember how much I hated them as a child, and how much Emily disliked them. But, Evie refuses to sleep with covers on. How else is a mom to keep her little one warm?

I am still sick. I caught a horrible cold about a month before we went to China, got over it in time for travel, then caught a doozy there. I think I caught it from Evie and/or Richard. (both of whom are robustly healthy right now, I might add) I have coughing fits and a fever and no energy, and the coughing keeps me up half the night. My voice is very hoarse, and I lose it if I talk too much, which Richard says is all the time... I am actually planning on going to bed by 8 tonight, if Evie will cooperate! Dr. said that I have a stubborn sinus infection, and gave me antibiotics and prescription cough syrup. It is grape flavored, and yucky. (I feel like Em!) If I'm not feeling a lot better this week, I will have to go get chest xrays. blah. (Richard is telling everyone that I shouldn't have been holding all the chickens and ducks in China... so they will think I have the bird flu!)

We had to go out today, and Walmart and Lowe's just about did me in. I think I should have taken a nap to recuperate! (of course, Walmart can be tiring on a regular day...) Before that, we went for a drive and ended up at the apple orchard. We bought peaches, granny smith and gala apples, and the lady gave us a little bag of soft pears for Evie. They have bags of little apples just the right size for a lunchbox. We saw the animals they have there to pet, and Evie was so excited and kept signing the word for dog. I wish we knew the signs for donkey and goat and deer, but we lost the sign book.

The lady told us that in a couple weeks they will have the honeycrisp apples (my fave!) and hayrack rides, and you can pick your own apples. Emily is already making plans for the pumpkin patch, too.

bye! Send sweet dreams to Evie, so I can go to bed early!

Regrets

Is this a prequel or sequel to Bliss? Even I don't know.

As I rocked Evie to sleep tonight, I had that wonderfully sweaty baby head on my arm. She cooed and babbled and petted and patted me. She was dressed in the jammies her aunt and uncle sent, wrapped in a quilt that her Nana made and passed from grandchild to grandchild. She clutched the bunny that her big sister gave her from her own stash of stuffed animals. We rocked in the chair that her daddy bought us, in the room that he painted for her. I laid her to sleep in the crib her grandparents brought.

It strikes me that this child is wanted. I wanted her and prayed for her and longed for her long before I met her. She will grow up with family and friends who wanted and prayed for her, too. We waited so long for her to come into our lives ~ but I guess we were just waiting for her, waiting for her to be born, to be ready for us, for us to be ready for her. This was meant to be.

I believe that her birth family wanted her too, but that they just couldn't keep her. I know that she will grow up and have questions about them, about herself. Why couldn't they keep her? Why didn't they want her? Is there something wrong with her? I regret the pain that this will cause her, but I hope that she will have enough support from us, her new family, that she will be able to move past this pain.

I regret that she wasn't born to us. Really, I wouldn't change it if I could ~ her story is part of who she is, and I would never change anything about her. But I regret those months that we will never get back. Seeing her on her first day in this world, her first smile, laugh, words, steps. That "new-baby" smell. The bonding that we missed out on. I regret that I wasn't able to nurse Evie like I did Emily, and have that special relationship with her that only nursing mothers can understand. I see all sorts of what-ifs. Would she still be cleft-affected if she was born to us? I was always careful of nutrition and potential dangers when I was pregnant with Emily. I know she wouldn't have the ant bite scars. I worry for her sake that we don't have a family medical history for her.

I worry about what the future holds for Evie ~ surgeries, therapy, etc. We had our first meeting with her surgeon today, and I regret the pain she will have to go through in the future. Don't get me wrong, I have faith in this doctor, and I know that she needs to have this treatment. But all mommies would take on their children's pain for them if they could. I worry, hearing about the hospital stay, and the liquid diet via syringe (no more of the beloved bottle!) and of the "no-no's" that will prevent her from bending her arms enough to hurt her newly repaired mouth, but will also prevent her from sucking her thumb, one of the only comforts she had for a long time.

I worry that she will be teased for being different. She is adopted. She looks different than the rest of her family. She has scars that will never go away, and some obvious differences than the other children.

I am a mom. I worry.

Bliss

I am so tired. I go to the doctor tomorrow for a cold that hasn't gone away in the two weeks we've been home from China. He will scold me for not coming in sooner, and I am worried that it is something more than just a cold. I think I could go to bed and hibernate until Christmas.

Tonight Evie had a full-out screaming fit, complete with flailing arms and legs. I am fairly sure it was because I couldn't make dinner cook any faster (and this was after she had a stage 3 jar of sweet potato puree, a bowl of veggie puffs, and a bowl of teddy grahams! All told, she ended up also eating a piece and a half of pizza, the meat off of a chicken drumstick, and a big banana!) I am in awe of the colors she turned in her rage, a rainbow from pink to red to purple. As I held her and rocked her and tried to calm her down, I was crying, too. (Finally, Daddy took over and made everything better.)

As I rocked her to sleep tonight, I was content in the knowledge that Richard was downstairs, tinkering with some piece of electronic equipment that doesn't work just so, and that Emily was doing homework and reading her book. Our newest daughter was safely in my arms. At first she babbled to me a little bit, then stroked my cheek and played with my hair. She petted her bunny, and rubbed my face with its ears. What a lovely gift to share with me. As time went on, she slowly closed her eyes and started to suck on her thumb. I held on to her long after she was asleep, and rocked and rocked. I could hear the crickets and frogs outside the window, and the sound of children playing. I could hear the cattle in the field behind our neighborhood, and traffic in the distance. The cool breeze was blowing in the window.

Even though I am so tired, and probably way too cranky to my wonderful family, I am so happy. I am so full of love for this family of mine, and I will try my hardest in the future to let them know.

Feeling bad

I lost one of Evie's baby spoons from China. It was the white plastic one with a bear in the bowl of the spoon. It cost me all of 2 RMB ~ I think that is about 20 cents. But she really liked it. We got it at the grocery near the White Swan hotel.

We went out to eat tonight, and didn't have silverware right away, so I took out a baby spoon to feed Evie. At the end, I went with Emily to get dessert, and they cleared the table and must have taken it. I asked our waiter to go look for it, and he did (twice) but never found it. They probably thought it was a disposable plastic spoon and just tossed it.

I feel kind of stupid for crying over a silly cheap plastic spoon, but it really bothered me that it got lost. I just feel that she doesn't have a whole lot of history, and the spoon was from her country of origin, something that we used and loved together. Is that crazy? She probably won't even miss it, but I think that I will.